I wasn’t expecting that having sex with a female would sexually satisfy me; I just knew I needed to do something different. I consider myself a sexually experienced person, and the more experiences I got, the more I felt like my horniness didn’t make sense.
When I have sex with males, I always ended up more horny afterward, which is the exact opposite of what I wanted to achieve. I would question if it was normal for me to feel horny all the time; I assumed that I just had a high sex drive and needed to figure out how to have more sex. Deep down, I knew more sex wasn’t the answer because there was a time when I had a partner that gave me as much sex as I wanted, and I still wasn’t sexually satisfied.
The week I decided to have sex with my female friend, I have already had sex multiple times earlier in the week, and I have felt no sexual relief from that. The feelings caused by my sexual frustration were worsening, my back was tense, my boobs felt enlarged, heavy and my nipples were giving me sharp pains. Feet play became a stronger desire for me; I would crave to rub my own feet together and with other people. I was able to feel my clit aroused every day; explaining how my clit made me feel is very difficult. It felt like my clit was yelling at me, and it would yell at me so loud that it became louder than my other thoughts. My clit was definitely upset with me, and she wanted to make sure I heard it; my entire body had a lot of sexual tension that would result in me having headaches; sometimes, I would feel like I have a fever. I would also be unable to focus, and I would feel exhausted. These feelings made it very difficult for me to fulfill basic tasks in my life, such as getting out of bed, cooking, and cleaning. I knew that my biggest downfall was going to be my sexual urges, especially in my career. I struggled with completing marketing projects for my client’s business’s Instagram, and the same for mine; people weren’t going to want to work with me. Telling people, I’m sexually frustrated, and I don’t know how to resolve that isn’t a valid reason to explain why I hadn’t completed my work tasks.
I would think to myself that this isn’t normal for me to spend every day of life feeling defeated; I didn’t want to live a life where it was me against those feelings. I thought that I tried everything I could do in my power to resolve it. The female I ended up having sex with is my friend, and I openly talk to my friends about sex; I would share my feeling with her, and I would joke around and say maybe I need to do something significantly different and have sex with a female. That joke, over time, became more of a possible option for me. I had to face the fact that males could never teach me; I needed a female to teach me about pleasing my vagina. Having sex with a female was a very uncomfortable thought for me, and I could only imagine myself doing that if I hit rock bottom, and I did.
That week I had sex multiple times, and my sexual frustration kept building up; I heard myself think, “ I no longer want to live in my body with these feelings” when I heard that, I questioned, “did I just think I would kill myself over sex.” I was very concerned because I knew I couldn’t help myself; my body wanted a break from the sexual tension I was experiencing, which is a valid feeling.
I invited my female friend over because I felt lonely and distressed; she was feeling the same. We hadn’t seen each other since the pandemic happened, so I was looking forward to interacting with her in person again.
Having sex with her wasn’t a thought in my mind until she came over, and my horny feelings still consumed me. When I woke up the following day, I started craving sexual activity a lot, and since she was lying next to me, I started thinking about her sexually. She was lying on her side away from me at the edge of the bed, and I wanted to lay behind her and hump her while I rub her body while kissing her neck. I usually don’t think about doing something sexual to a female; I started scolding myself. I told myself it’s not okay to use people for my own sexual needs, mainly because I knew she actually had feelings for me, and I was not attracted to her. So I fought with myself for a few minutes on if I should touch her or not, then I ended up deciding to go to the bathroom; so that I can pee to relieve some of the tension.
When she woke up and we were eating at my dining table, I decided to be honest with her about the sexual thoughts I had for her earlier. Then she revealed that she felt the same last night; that’s why she was sleeping far away from me. Hearing her say that did turn me on more, which was a scary feeling for me. I question those feelings “did I want to have sex with her, or did I just want to have sex.” Deciding to have sex with her was very difficult for me because I didn’t want to hurt my friend emotionally, and I didn’t want my body to react negatively to it. When I’m horny, sometimes I end up having sex with a person I’m not sexually interested in and end up becoming completely turned off during sex.
For the rest of the day, I talked to her about it. I made sure she knew that if we would to have sex that it didn’t mean that I had feelings for her, and I asked if it was okay if I did nothing sexual back to her; she agreed to it. I did some more thinking; I knew I was slightly turned on about it but mostly turned off about having sex with her, but I told myself to listen to the part of myself that wants it. I knew if I didn’t, I didn’t know where to relieve my sexual frustration, and maybe she can change that for me. I always thought a female couldn’t please me because she didn’t have a penis; with sexual experience, I learned that size doesn’t matter, and maybe there was a possibility that she could. I recall hearing stories about females that have been with males for years and never been sexually satisfied and that one time they have sex with a female, that changes. Those are scary thoughts for me because it shakes my reality; it goes against everything I was told I needed in pleasure and a partner.
Despite those thoughts, I told her to come to my bed quickly before I changed my mind; I took off my clothes, and she kept her clothes on. She begins touching me while I disconnect my mind from her doing the act; I focus on the feeling and thought of her touches as genderless. I laid down with my eyes closed and allowed her to move me. Within those two hours of her touching me without using any sex toys, I started feeling a feeling I never felt before; for the first time, I felt sexually satisfied. My body felt light, loose, and relaxed like how it would feel if I got a professional massage but better than that. All the noise I felt in my body was gone, I was able to think clearly, and for the first time in years, I don’t feel my clit. After acknowledging how my body felt, my pride was hurt, I considered myself sexually experienced, but I didn’t know how to please myself. I quickly didn’t allow my pride to get in the way of my accomplishment; I had to go through so many experiences that didn’t satisfy me to get to this very moment where I now feel it. Now I have the knowledge to teach others how to please me, and I thank my friend for helping me because I couldn’t have done it without her.
I’m looking forward to writing more blogs about female pleasure to help close the pleasure gap between males and females. There will be a blog coming soon about what I learned about my vagina from this experience.
I was pretty pleased to discover this web site. I want to to thank you for your time for this fantastic read!! I definitely really liked every bit of it and I have you book marked to see new things on your web site.